Worth

If it hasn't been noticeable to our readers.

I'm in a slight rut.

Like, I have been living it up. Loving every second of it. Working, Morphsuiting, Bonfires, Meeting people left and right. Something about it, isn't fully satisfying. Even when combined with reading C.S. and Timothy (Lewis and Keller that is). I can't follow through with the happy exterior I'm displaying. This is going to actually be my blog about myself. Sorry readers, it's gotta happen sometime, you are reading my "digital journal" (for lack of better words)

The place I'm at is stemming from a lack of confidence, I think the psychological term for it is "learned helplessness" Literally sometimes it just feels like I can never win. No no I'm not clinically depressed, just pessimistic at times. It just seems like there isn't a realm of success for myself. Athletics...I don't even think I'm going to touch that, too many memories my splintered rear end from all that bench warming. Academics...I don't think barely grabbing a 3.0 gpa by the last two weeks in senior year is anything worth writing home about.

Looks like the only two ways society (seems to) scale worth and I failed at both of them.

What does that leave for me?

Friends are amazing no doubt, and we've actually been shouting out to our amazing friends whenever it needs to be done, but can friends establish worth?

This actually stems to a greater question

What is worth?

Worth-The quality that renders something desirable, useful, or valuable

I know this is a Connor pity party but I'm going to turn this around in a paragraph or so. Give me some time here.

So even in friendships and relationships this trend continues. I just don't feel like I'm worth it. Don't spend time with me. It won't be worth your time. Don't go on a date with Connor, it won't be desirable, useful, or valuable. Don't hang out with me on a Friday night. It won't be worthwhile. I had it down. I knew my place. For a kid that wasn't a star athlete or a scholar, I sure knew where I fit in. I knew my worth...

Worthless.

Pity party is over kids though.

Although that whole thought process may take ten, maybe eleven minutes in my day. At max. I look beyond that.

I see love

Everywhere I see somebody that needs to be loved, or somebody that loves me. Friends, Family, people I encounter daily. People that see me, a guy who views himself as worthless at times, and find someone worthy of loving. It astounds me.

It inspires me.

"So I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it." -Donald Miller

I encourage you all today, despite finding little worth in yourself. Despite knowing you may not be worth it. Ignore it.

Silence those voices.

Find the worth in others. Be a person that sees past the current broken state someone may be in, and find the fully alive person underneath. Let someone know they are worthwhile.

Everyone is

As Miller previously stated, be able to receive love as well as give love.

This right here, this post is for all of our readers. As well to everyone that assures me that I'm worth it. That I may be broken, uncoordinated, and not as intelligent as most, but that doesn't matter.

Much Love

ø Connor ø