Solitude

Today was hard to put into simple words, granted I don't want to be cliche and say "rollercoaster", but it was a rollercoaster.

Start with a waaaaaaaaay low, like I hated today, oh dear, siblings. I don't know if I will be able to sit down with my next youngest brother and be level with him. Things come slower to him, he can't control it and neither can anybody else. One day I would like to see things how he does. I don't help things much at times when he's slow to the take or is messing with my things. Yes things. meaningless items that I happen to possess (not sure if that's spelled right....spell check says it is). If there's one thing this blog is for, it's for saying those things that I don't know if I will know what to say in person.

I'm sorry. Really really sorry. I have my moments when I shine, but it's nothing to shine out of the darkness I cloak you in. We both know its hard to understand each other. I can't even imagine what goes through your head on a daily basis. I'm sorry.

You are so amazing when you are on the ball, even when you are off your ball you still rock this world. Especially how you put up with so much. I can't even imagine. Personally I get self conscious when someone doesn't talk to me or calls me stupid etc. You put up with that from 3 brothers, and everybody at school. I'm probably the best at it. I hate that fact so much.

Trust me, I love you. Lots. I've tried that whole "what if he was gone" scenario. I would hate it. Absolutely hate it. I couldn't go on without you. You are probably one of the biggest reasons I am who I am. Not afraid to take a joke at my expense. You do it daily so I have something to laugh at. Someone to joke around with. I'm so sorry.

It's always going to be a work in progress. But know this, we may not get along like me and the other brothers at times. but I wouldn't trade the times that we go and be reckless for anything. The random trips to Lincoln grocery stores. Screaming at how hot the salsa is. Laughing until we cry in laughter and pain. Fighting foam swords at Target. This turned into a blog about you. You deserve more than a blog. You deserve a trophy. Your shoes really stink. (not only realistically but hypothetically) I could walk a mile in them. No doubt. But after that mile, I wouldn't be able to hold up like you do.

This one's for you big guy

I love you

ø Connor ø